Waking
by speshulduck
Summary: I met her at the bar.


title: waking  
  
author: duck  
  
rating: pg-13 for mild sexual references  
  
summary: i met her at the bar.  
  
author note: you'll never believe me, but written at the behest of myrth and kukrae. no, i'm not shitting you.  
  
disclaimer: not mine, and most fans wouldn't even recognize this as legit.  
  
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I met her at the bar. It wasn't even supposed to be a long-term thing; just a casual 'I'm back in the city for a couple days, wanna fuck?' sort of deal. She was cute, I'll give her that. Spunky spirit, red hair that looked rather unmanageable (though I applaud her for trying), and a pouty lower lip that just barely grazed the ground. How the hell could I refuse?  
  
The US Marshals let me back for a few days, just so I could be their super secret witness. They acted like I was some coup d'etat, but I know I was just another cog in the war on crime. Yes, this man committed atrocious crimes. Yes, he threatened my life. I realize my entire circumstances have changed, but could I have my life back now? You know, the way it was? Oh, it'll never be the same? Then take me back to what I'm used to.  
  
I'd send a silent plea to Olivia -- please understand why things had to turn out the way they did -- but she'd never get it, and I'm past caring at this point. I loved you when I loved you, and you loved me then too, but I think we're both past it. You were my first, and I? I was just some cheap plaything you used to amuse yourself.  
  
Oh no, I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't mean that. I've just felt so used lately. It's what I'm used to. I know you loved me, and you know I loved you. But somewhere in this time we've spent apart, I've grown apart from you. Odd, how I can do that and not know you now, but I've still managed it.  
  
Anyway, back the gorgeous redhead in front of me. She struck me as a little too pale at first, and then a little too flighty, once we started talking. It looked like her first time in a dyke bar, and I couldn't help but think of the time that Olivia discovered me here. She'd found me here after a hard case, surprised that I'd ever be in a place like this. Then quite relieved that it wasn't so much an accident, rather than me giving in to the inevitable.  
  
Damn. I can't avoid you, can I, Benson? Yes, my mother knows who I kiss with this mouth. And no, she doesn't care. Ever since my father died I've guessed that I wasn't the only one in the family to seek out the company of the female half of the race. I wouldn't ever tell her I'd noticed, of course, but I can't help seeing, can I? You might as well ask me to not see the beauty of the woman next to me.  
  
Ahh, a non-Olivia thought. This is progress. Every woman or man I've slept with in the past -- how many months has it been? Years you tell me? Ha. Well, whatever amount of time it's been. In that time, I've measured them all against her, and found them lacking. What could make this, this idiot redhead so special?  
  
Oh, she was quite gifted with her tongue, to be sure; the precise way she licked, like she knew exactly what she was going for. I should mention her skill with suction and fingers as well; if I rated, she'd be a ten for sure. I suppose I wasn't her first after all. She never said as much, but I'd thought...no, it's better to not go into what I'd thought. I supposed her too naive for her actual experience, and when I found myself in bed with her, I realized I wasn't looking forward to the part where I escaped into the madness of some random city. I actually wanted to return, to ask her when we could see each other again.  
  
Maybe it was her supposed naivety, with the wisdom of years of experience that made her so appealing. Maybe it was the 'come hither' look that she gave, seeming so entailed for only me. But now, her pale skin spread out before me in the equally pale moonlight, now I can't help but wonder if I've fallen in love at first sight. The same way I did with Olivia. The way I'd never been able to since.  
  
And now I can't wait until our waking hours, when I will be able to know this girl better. Casey. You are beautiful. What do you do?  
  
[end] 


End file.
